#altered consciousness whump

[teine-mallaichte]

Let's talk hallucinations in whump/general fiction.

So first off full disclosure, I have schizoaffective disorder - think some bits of bipolar and some bits of schizophrenia kind of squished together, and as such hallucinations are a BIG part of my general existence.

Definition: A hallucination is a perception of a sensory experience—such as sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch—that appears real but is created by the mind and lacks an external stimulus.

Now, I see a fair few "hallucinations" type prompts in whump events, and just generally within the whump community, and I see a LOT of auditory hallucinations type prompt fills - mainly in the form of malevolent whispers - and ye that's a thing, but there are so many other hallucinations.

The thing is hallucinations can effect literally any sense, not just hearing - though I will add that auditory is usually regarded as the most common.

this is a long post so I am going to put a cut here... below the cut is exploration of the tyoes of hallucination, the causes and a bit about insight.

So, I thought it could be "fun" to explore a few in a post. Lets explore the 5 "main" senses first:

Auditory Hallucinations

Description: These are the most common type of hallucinations. They involve hearing sounds that are not present. The sounds are hear as if they are coming from somewhere external to the body. So in my case I have a few of these, but my main one is a voice who is with me even when I am in meds (another good point there for anyone who wants to use mental illness in their fics even in meds we can do have symptoms). This voice has a name and most of the time he just sorts off passes comments about things and people around me, like a sarcastic narrator and it sounds like he is standing just behind me.

Common Examples:

Malevolent Whispers: Insidious voices that might threaten, taunt, or belittle you.

Hearing Music: Melodies or songs playing that no one else can hear. For me this kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio in a different room.

Environmental Sounds: Hearing footsteps, doors creaking, or other sounds suggesting someone else is present.

Command Hallucinations: Voices that instruct or suggest (its not always ademand, sometimes more subtle and manipulative) you to do certain things, often with a compelling and distressing sense of urgency.

Less used examples:

Kind/supportive hallucinations: Voices that are encouraging, reassuring and supportive.

Distortion: Rather than sounds with no origin hallucinations that disort or warp actual sounds/voices changing the meaning, making it as if the TV or Radio is addressing you personally, making it sound as if a friend is threatening you.

Fun fact: it actually is possible to have a two way (sort of) conversation with a hallucination - I know I do it relatively often. It will be different for everyone, but fo me its a bit like having a conversation on a bad phoneline, yes the voice will respond but often its almost as if he hasn't fully heard what I said - or is ignoring key points. I can do this both outloud and "in my head".

Visual Hallucinations

Description: Visual hallucinations involve seeing things that are not present. These can range from simple shapes and flashes of light to detailed images or scenes. They often appear as if they are in the physical world and can be very convincing.

Common Examples:

Shadowy Figures: Seeing indistinct, shadowy forms that may move or appear to watch the character.

Distorted Faces: Perceiving familiar faces as grotesque or altered in frightening ways.

Apparitions: Full-bodied figures that may interact with the character or appear menacing.

Lights/sparkles: The whump community seems to very much enjoy lights and sparkles, especially in drugging.

Less Used Examples:

Intrusive Visuals: Images of disturbing or graphic nature that suddenly appear in your line of sight.

Perceptual Distortions: Objects appearing to warp, change shape, or color in unnatural ways.

Double Vision: Seeing multiples of objects or people, creating a confusing and disorienting experience.

Scenery Shifts: The entire environment changes, making you believe they are in a completely different place.

Fun fact: Sleep deprivation can cause some wild visual hallucinations, even relatively "mild" sleep deprivation can start to effect a persons perceptions.

Gustatory Hallucinations

Description: Gustatory hallucinations involve tasting things that are not actually present in the mouth. These can range from pleasant to extremely unpleasant tastes and can be triggered without any external food or drink.

Officially these are considered "rare", but personally (as someone who has done a lot of peer support work in the psychosis/voice hearing community I think they are simply under reported.)

Common Examples:

Bitter or Metallic Taste: A persistent bitter or metallic taste in the mouth, often leading to a sense of unease or concern about poisoning.

Sweet or Sour Taste: Tasting something sweet or sour unexpectedly, which can be confusing if it doesn’t match the current context.

Less Used Examples:

Spoiled Food: Tasting something rancid or spoiled, causing nausea and distress.

Unfamiliar Tastes: Tasting something completely unfamiliar and hard to describe, adding to the character's sense of disorientation.

Mimicking Actual Foods: Tasting specific foods that trigger cravings or aversions, despite not eating anything.

Transforming food: Food tasting like other food - I know someone for whom everything tasted like strawberries for days.

Common Causes: Neurological conditions or can be a side effect of medications.

Olfactory Hallucinations

Description: Olfactory hallucinations involve smelling odors that are not actually present. These can be pleasant or unpleasant and occur without any corresponding external stimulus. They can be particularly disorienting because they may trigger memories or emotions associated with certain scents - extremely complex if the person also has PTSD.

Common Examples:

Burning Smell: Wood, rubber, or food, which can lead to panic and fear of a fire.

Rotting Flesh: An overpowering smell of decay or rotting flesh, causing distress and nausea.

Perfume or Flowers: Smelling strong scents like flowers or perfume - hallucinations don't have to be inherently unpleasant sensations.

Less Used Examples:

Chemical Smells: Smelling chemicals like bleach or petrol.

Unfamiliar Scents: Smelling odors that you cannot identify.

Food Smells: Smelling specific foods that trigger hunger or nausea, despite the absence of any actual food.

Tactile Hallucinations

Description: Tactile hallucinations involve feeling sensations on or under the skin that are not actually there. These can range from mild tingling to severe pain and can be extremely distressing.

Common Examples:

Crawling Sensation: Feeling as though insects or bugs are crawling on or under the skin - often leading to frantic scratching or picking.

Electric Shocks: Experiencing sudden, sharp, electric-like jolts.

Pressure: Feeling pressure or tightness around certain body parts, such as a hand gripping the arm or something heavy on the chest.

Less Used Examples:

Temperature Changes: Feeling extreme cold or heat on the skin without any external cause.

Wetness or Dripping: Feeling as though liquid is dripping or running down the skin, even when dry.

Phantom Touches: Sensations of being touched or grabbed, often when alone. Sometimes its an almost feather like touch, other times its more akin to a grab that if reak would leave a bruise.

Right now let's expand - because there are more than 5 senses.

Proprioceptive Hallucinations

Description: Proprioception is the sense of the relative positioning of one's body parts. Proprioceptive hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of where your body is in space or how it is moving.

Common Examples:

Floating Sensation: Feeling as if the body is levitating or moving without control.

Distorted Body Size: Perceiving limbs or the entire body as being unnaturally large or small.

Less Used Examples:

Misaligned Limbs: Feeling as though limbs are twisted or out of place.

Movement Hallucinations: Sensing movements that aren't occurring, like swaying or rotating.

Common causes: Neurological disorders or the effects of certain drugs, but can by caused by a huge array of things.

Vestibular Hallucinations

Description: Vestibular sensations involve balance and spatial orientation. Vestibular hallucinations affect your sense of balance, making you feel dizzy or as though you're moving when you're stationary.

Common Examples:

Vertigo: A spinning sensation, as if the environment or oneself is rotating.

Imbalance: Feeling as though you're about to fall over or can't maintain your balance.

Less Used Examples:

Motion Sensation: Sensing movement, like rocking or swaying, when you're still.

Gravity Distortions: Feeling as if gravity is stronger or weaker than it actually is.

Common caused: Inner ear issues, migraines, or anxiety.

Temporal Hallucinations

Description: Temporal hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of time. They can make time feel like it's speeding up, slowing down, or standing still.

Common Examples:

Time Dilation: Feeling as though time is passing much slower than it actually is.

Time Compression: Perceiving time as moving rapidly, making events feel like they're passing in a blur.

Less Used Examples:

Frozen Moments: Experiencing time as if it's stopped, with everything around you appearing frozen.

Temporal Displacement: Feeling as though you're living in a different time period.

Temporal Dissonance: Feeling as if time is moving differently for you in comparison to those around you.

Common caused: Extreme fatigue, high stress, or under the influence of certain drugs.

Interoceptive Hallucinations

Description: Interoception refers to the perception of sensations from within the body, such as hunger, thirst, or the feeling of a heartbeat. Hallucinations in this realm involve feeling internal sensations that aren't actually occurring.

Common Examples:

False Hunger: Feeling extremely hungry despite having eaten recently.

Nonexistent Thirst: An intense sense of thirst even when well-hydrated - I have had this one a few times and given myself electrolyte imbalances due tot he amount of water I ended up drinking (not fun).

Less Used Examples:

Phantom Heartbeats: Feeling the heart racing or skipping beats without any physical basis.

Digestive Sensations: Sensations of digestion, such as gurgling or bloating, without any real cause.

Common causes: Panic disorder or certain types of seizures.

Right, now lets quickly review the main "causes" of hallucinations

Mental Illness:

Schizophrenia: Can involve basically anything from this list, but anecdotally auditory and visual appear to be the most common.

Bipolar Disorder: Can include hallucinations, especially during manic or depressive episodes.

Schizoaffective Disorder: A combination of symptoms from both schizophrenia and mood disorders, often leading to a variety of hallucinations.

EUPD/BPD: Auditory hallucinations are relatively common.

In all of these the hallucinations will rarely (if ever) exist in isolation. If you do not have primary or secondary experience of mental illness then I would recommend doing a LOT of research - and talking to people who do (on this note my asks are open if anyone has any schizoaffective based questions).

Neurological Conditions:

Epilepsy: Particularly temporal lobe epilepsy, can cause a range of sensory hallucinations.

Parkinson's Disease: Can lead to visual and auditory hallucinations.

Migraine: Migraine auras can include visual and auditory hallucinations.

Once again the hallucinations will not be in isolatation so same advice as with mental illness.

Substance Use and Withdrawal:

Psychedelics: Drugs like LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline are known for causing vivid visual and auditory hallucinations.

Stimulants: Methamphetamine and cocaine can cause tactile and visual hallucinations.

Alcohol Withdrawal: Can lead to visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations.

You know what I am going to say that my "if you do not have experience of this then go talk to someone who does" advice may just stand for every potential cause.

Sleep Disorders:

Sleep Deprivation: Can cause a variety of hallucinations across different senses.

Narcolepsy: Often includes hypnagogic (while falling asleep) and hypnopompic (while waking up) hallucinations.

Medical Conditions:

Delirium: Acute confusion and hallucinations often seen in severe infections, fever, or after surgery.

Dementia: Especially Lewy body dementia and Alzheimer's disease, can cause hallucinations.

Medications:

Anticholinergics: Can cause hallucinations as a side effect.

Steroids: High doses can sometimes lead to hallucinations.

Certain Antidepressants and Antipsychotics: Occasionally, these medications can cause hallucinations.

Psychological Stress and Trauma:

PTSD: Flashbacks and hallucinations related to traumatic events.

Extreme Stress: Can sometimes trigger hallucinations.

Metabolic and Endocrine Disorders:

Thyroid Disorders: Hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism can sometimes cause hallucinations.

Electrolyte Imbalances: Severe imbalances can lead to hallucinations.

Deprivation:

Sensory Deprivation: Go google the ganzfeld effect, it's facinating.

Isolation: Extended periods of isolation can lead to hallucinations, known as sensory deprivation hallucinations.

Autoimmune Disorders:

Lupus: Can cause neurological symptoms including hallucinations.

Tumors:

Brain Tumors: Depending on their location, they can cause hallucinations affecting different senses.

Ok, finally point for this post. Let's discuss insight, because it is not as black/white or binary as people seem to assume.

Definition: Insight, in this context, refers to the awareness and understanding that one's hallucinations are not real but are a product of their mind. Insight can be partial or complete, and it often fluctuates.

Complete Insight:

Description: The individual fully understands that their hallucinations are not real and are caused by an underlying condition.

Impact: This can help the person manage their symptoms more effectively and seek appropriate treatment. However, it doesn't necessarily lessen the distress caused by the hallucinations.

Partial Insight:

Description: The individual has some awareness that their hallucinations might not be real but can still struggle with differentiating them from reality.

Impact: This can lead to confusion and anxiety, as the person oscillates between believing and doubting their experiences.

Lack of Insight:

Description: The individual firmly believes that their hallucinations are real and external.

Impact: This can lead to significant distress and functional impairment, as the person might respond to these hallucinations as if they were real.

Now imagine these three points on a scale from 0 (complete insight) to 10 (lack of insight) a person can be anywhere on this scale, and can slide back and fourth along it.

Factors such as stress, fatigue, medication changes, or daily fluctuations in mental state can cause insight to vary. A person might have high insight at one moment and low insight the next.

Basically Insight Is Not Static.

Also sometimes insight is just FREAKING RANDOM fluctuation for no discernible reason - honestly at times there is zero logic.

so ye, halluncinations… the brain is freaking wild.

Disclaimer - this is by no means an exhaustive list and like with many things every individual will experience these things slightly differently.

A similar post about delirium A similar post about fever

[secret-bug-pain-blog]

Whumptober Day 1 - Search Party

We researched West Virginian gun laws and hunting seasons for this one. Based on our estimates of the approximate time of year that Arc 1 of Amnesty takes place in, Pigeon and Pete would have been toting around guns around a month away from any time that it would be legal to use them.

We spent some time trying to pinpoint exact districts for this, and then realized that this is only one day out of thirty-one and it probably isn't as relevant as we were picturing, so we stopped doing that. If someone else here lives in West Virginia and cares about that, our excuse is that we do not live in West Virginia, or in America, and we also do not presently have a hunting permit or game permit of any kind. We also cannot legally use a gun right now. We can skin and flesh a pelt if needed, though. Call us up for for amateur taxidermy and butchering services and we'll see what we can do.

[pygmi-says-hi]

STOP DOING THIS IN INJURY FICS!!

Bleeding:

Blood is warm. if blood is cold, you’re really fucking feverish or the person is dead. it’s only sticky after it coagulates.

It smells! like iron, obv, but very metallic. heavy blood loss has a really potent smell, someone will notice.

Unless in a state of shock or fight-flight mode, a character will know they’re bleeding. stop with the ‘i didn’t even feel it’ yeah you did. drowsiness, confusion, pale complexion, nausea, clumsiness, and memory loss are symptoms to include.

blood flow ebbs. sometimes it’s really gushin’, other times it’s a trickle. could be the same wound at different points.

it’s slow. use this to your advantage! more sad writer times hehehe.

Stab wounds:

I have been mildly impaled with rebar on an occasion, so let me explain from experience. being stabbed is bizarre af. your body is soft. you can squish it, feel it jiggle when you move. whatever just stabbed you? not jiggly. it feels stiff and numb after the pain fades. often, stab wounds lead to nerve damage. hands, arms, feet, neck, all have more motor nerve clusters than the torso. fingers may go numb or useless if a tendon is nicked.

also, bleeding takes FOREVER to stop, as mentioned above.

if the wound has an exit wound, like a bullet clean through or a spear through the whole limb, DONT REMOVE THE OBJECT. character will die. leave it, bandage around it. could be a good opportunity for some touchy touchy :)

whump writers - good opportunity for caretaker angst and fluff w/ trying to manhandle whumpee into a good position to access both sites

Concussion:

despite the amnesia and confusion, people ain’t that articulate. even if they’re mumbling about how much they love (person) - if that’s ur trope - or a secret, it’s gonna make no sense. garbled nonsense, no full sentences, just a coupla words here and there.

if the concussion is mild, they’re gonna feel fine. until….bam! out like a light. kinda funny to witness, but also a good time for some caretaking fluff.

Fever:

you die at 110F. no 'oh no his fever is 120F!! ahhh!“ no his fever is 0F because he’s fucking dead. you lose consciousness around 103, sometimes less if it’s a child. brain damage occurs at over 104.

ACTUAL SYMPTOMS:

sluggishness

seizures (severe)

inability to speak clearly

feeling chilly/shivering

nausea

pain

delirium

symptoms increase as fever rises. slow build that secret sickness! feverish people can be irritable, maybe a bit of sass followed by some hurt/comfort. never hurt anybody.

ALSO about fevers - they absolutely can cause hallucinations. Sometimes these alter memory and future memory processing. they're scary shit guys.

fevers are a big deal! bad shit can happen! milk that till its dry (chill out) and get some good hurt/comfort whumpee shit.

keep writing u sadistic nerds xox love you

ALSO I FORGOT LEMME ADD ON:

YOU DIE AT 85F

sorry I forgot. at that point for a sustained period of time you're too cold to survive.

pt 2

also please stop traumadumping in the notes/tags, that's not the point of this post. it's really upsetting to see on my feed, so i'm muting the notifs for this post. if you have a question about this post, dm me, but i don't want a constant influx of traumatic stories. xox

[tropetember]

Friends To Lovers - Two characters have been friends for years and value their friendship above everything. Unfortunately, they’ve both also secretly fallen in love with each other - but are both too scared to confess because it feels like a betrayal of their friendship.

Secret Identity - Characters A & B have secret alter egos- they’re both in love with the wrong identity.

Whump - A character is comforted/cared for in the aftermath of torture, but the mental wounds take longer to heal than the physical damage.

Coffee Shop/Restaurant AU - Character A is waiting for a blind date and is stood up. Character B is just finishing up their shift at the establishment and, seeing the looks that A is getting, offers to stay and eat with them despite their own exhaustion.

Famous AU - Character A meets Character B for the first time and recognizes their voice as A’s favourite podcaster/radio host/voice actor.

Teacher AU - Character A is a single parent and Character B is their child’s teacher.

Historical AU - The characters are living through a historical war (WWI, WWII, etc). Their main means of communication is through letter-writing. (Epistolary fic with optional in-person scenes between/after letters.)

Time Loop/Coma - Character A is in a coma and keeps reliving the last day before they lost consciousness. There’s something they have to realise before they can wake up.

5 + 1 - 5 times Character A’s kid calls Character B Mom/Dad + 1 time Character B acknowledges they’re their kid.

Drunk Dial - Character A is obsessed with Character B and gets black-out drunk to deal with it. Someone should definitely have taken away their phone.

Business Partners To Friends To Lovers - Character A and Character B meet by chance and, realising they have compatible skills, decide to embark on a business venture together. However, they are not prepared for all the ramifications that come with working alongside each other.

Touch Starvation - A character has spent years building up a tough, strong, untouchable persona. What happens when someone finally touches them gently? (Can be romantic or platonic.)

Slice Of Life - The story of two characters written through scenes only happening in one room of their house. (A number of scenes of domestic life happening in the same room of the house).

Human/Monster Romance - Character A is a human and Character B is a sapient sea creature, and a storm washes them both up and leaves them stranded on a tiny, remote, uninhabited island.

Dating App - Character A’s friends sign them up for a no-faces dating app. Reluctantly, Character A meets someone. Character B is a bit worried about them meeting strangers so they tell their own dating-app friend all about it.  (Or: the Bantr app fic)

Reunions - Two characters reunite many years after a traumatic parting, but new information is revealed that puts everything into a different light.

Love Confession - Character A has been in love with Character B for a long time, and they’ve been trying to confess ever since, but Character B is oblivious to their attempts (or doesn’t believe they are serious). This leads to Character A making increasingly more elaborate and even ridiculous plans to prove their feelings.

Mind Reading - Character A is involved in an incident and can suddenly hear the thoughts of people around them - but only when those people are thinking about Character A. That’s unfortunately bad news for Character B.

Disaster AU - Character(s) get trapped under a collapsing building and have to wait for help without knowing if it’s coming.

Horror - Characters A & B reunite, but slowly Character B realises that Character A’s body is being controlled by… something else.

Age Changes/Future Fic - Characters A & B are old together. Some things change but some things always stay the same.

Major Character Death (maybe!) - Character A is dead. Everything reminds Character B of them. (Character death doesn’t need to be permanent.)

Mythology - Character A is an immortal being/god and Character B is the only mortal who’s interacted with them in centuries.

Accidental Baby Acquisition - Character A rescues a baby/kid, and is then made responsible for the child. Character B is unprepared when they bring them home.

Not Actually Unrequited Love - Character A is trying to move on from Character B by setting B up on a date. Unfortunately, Character B takes this as confirmation that their own feelings for A are not returned.

Fake Dating - Character B pretends to be Character A’s partner so they can stay together while A is sick/injured. The charade goes on far longer than either of them expect. Finally being apart should be a relief, so why does it feel more like a real breakup?

Sexuality Crisis - A repressed character in a homophobic society finds themselves thrust into a city’s underground gay scene, where they meet someone they never expected.

Holidays - Character A’s family is expecting them to bring a date to the annual holiday family reunion. They choose to bring Character B (dating optional).

Regency Style Romance - ‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single person in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a spouse.’ (Feel free to change gender as needed.)

Optional:

Hanahaki Disease - Character A is not good at expressing their emotions - this time it might just kill them.

Cowboy/Wild West AU - Character A wants to leave the city. They answer to a newspaper ad for a spouse/farm hand to live on a remote homestead owned by Character B.

Free Space - write the wildest thing you can think of!

Link to main Prompt List

Link to Rules & FAQ

[brawlite]

some horror fic recs for october 👻

i wanted to put together a rec list of my favorite horror fics for the spookiest month. there are a bunch of different flavors of horror in here as well as a number of different fandoms, so hopefully you can find something that tickles your fancy (though ngl i would still rec reading these bad boys even if you don't know the fandoms at all).

i tried to tag tumblrs when/where i could find them, but if i couldn't, the author name links to ao3.

a reminder as always: this is horror—please read all the tags.

thanks for reading and i hope you find something to enjoy!

also, pretty please feel free to reblog and add your favorite horror fic recs.

👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪

the ghost apple tree by @thefearofcod

10k words, rated m song lan/xue yang/xiao xingchen (the untamed/mdzs) summary:

Fixing up a decaying house in the woods is the same as addressing your problems. (sxx is haunted)

brawls' notes: i think about this fic a lot; i'm haunted by it. this is by far one of my favorite horror stories i've ever read—the vibes are off-the-charts and horrific in a very visceral, tense way. made me feel weird (positive). i hope it makes you feel weird too (this is a threat).

—

convergence by @astrophyllitely

33k words, rated e lan zhan/lan xichen, lan zhan/jiang cheng (the untamed/mdzs) summary:

Lan Wangji regains consciousness in a crashed spaceship on an unfamiliar planet. He is not alone; Lan Xichen is there. He is not alone; Jiang Wanyin is there. But never both at once.

brawls' notes: space horror? check. psychological horror? check. uneasy and tense alien vibes? also check. beautiful push and pull of the narrative, paired with an an intense feeling of claustrophobia. there's a particular moment that had my heart right in my throat. stunning.

—

mockingbird by MarInk

82k words, rated e stiles stillinski/peter hale (teen wolf) summary:

Stiles works tirelessly to keep the roof over his heads and longs for a proper challenge for his brains. Peter chafes under his sister's authority and nurses big, bloody dreams. One day, the two are connected by a mistaken text message. One never knows who is on the other end of a wrong number. Sometimes it's somebody one will come to cherish and adore. Sometimes it's a ruthless, unapologetic monster. Sometimes it's both.

brawls' notes: sometimes you read something and are just blown away by it, forever altered. that's what this was for me. want a type of monster-au you've never seen before? this is it. also: ostensibly a wrong-number au, but don't be fooled. (i was.)

—

never meant by nonhicsumus

3k words, rated m alex krycek & dana scully (the x-files) summary:

Sometimes the past isn't worth digging into.

brawls' notes: whump and psychological horror? plus alex krycek?? my favorite. every word of this is perfection—i instantly wanted to read it again for the first time. you can.

—

fais do-do by @moku-youbi

18k words, rated e will graham/hannibal lecter (hannibal)

summary:

“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” ― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein (this fic does not have a summary, but begins with this quote)

brawls' notes: a different-meeting au packed with everything you need for the perfect horror story: violence, blood, a chase scene, and an unreliable narrator. delightful.

—

blackbird, fly by @acroamatica

19k words, rated m kylo ren/armitage hux (star wars: tfa)

summary:

One sunny afternoon in the mountains of Washington state, Ben Organa-Solo walked out into the woods. He never came home. Six years later, a journalist specialising in missing-persons cold cases decides to follow his footsteps and see where they might lead.

brawls' notes: a masterpiece of vibes. this reads so much like a spooky mystery novel, but with a creeping, anxious dread. perfect for the season if you want that true autumnal sort of chill. i've carried this fic in my heart for nearly a decade now—it has inspired me in my own writing so much over the years.

—

grey stars on the rise by @iodhadh

4k words, rated e song lan/xue yang/xiao xingchen (the untamed/mdzs) summary:

Xiao Xingchen comes back. Xiao Xingchen comes back wrong. It takes too long, maybe, for Xue Yang to realize something is wrong with Song Lan too.

brawls' notes: the exact embodiment of: be careful what you wish for. brutal and crushing and so deeply, utterly satisfying. absolute yi-city perfection: the vibes are wretched but strangely romantic (chefs kiss).

—

half your life you've been hooked on death by @whatever-you-can-give-me

4k words, rated m vash the stampede/nicholas d. wolfwood (trigun) summary:

Wolfwood is cornered in an alleyway. Things get worse before they get better.

brawls' notes: and what's a horror rec list without a little bit of gore? whump and blood and near-death-experiences—oh my. this is brutal and feverish and exactly the right flavor.

—

black rock mountain by @bokuno-jinsei

24k words, rated e will graham/hannibal lecter (hannibal) summary:

Will is a hitchhiker with questionable hobbies. Hannibal is a man who has questionable motives. When Hannibal drives by Will who just so happens to need a ride, things quickly take a turn from the questionable to the downright depraved.

brawls' notes: you know That Fic that is really the epitome of that pairing for you? yeah, this is it for me. perfect alternate first-meeting fic. lives rent-free in my head.

👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪

and hey, why not be a little self-indulgent: i can't help but rec a few of my own horror fics here, too:

old growth

21k, rated m song lan/xue yang/xiao xingchen (the untamed/mdzs) summary:

There’s something in the woods outside of their hometown. Xue Yang and Song Lan are going to find it.

brawls' notes: i tried something new with the formatting on this one and i think it panned out solidly and was a desperately fun way to tell the story. this is full of spooky, sleepless forest vibes.

—

what's real or isn't

57k, rated e kylo ren/armitage hux (star wars: tfa) summary:

Hux's new house is not haunted. It isn't.

brawls' notes: i honestly love playing favorites and this is one of mine. this was a load of fun to write—it's chock-full of vibes, personal experiences, local history, and love notes to my favorite horror stories.

—

acquiesce

16k, rated e original luo binghe/original shen qingqiu (svsss) summary:

After seeing the gentle and loving Shen Qingqiu of the other world, Luo Binghe returns to his own with a hunger that can only be satisfied by one thing—a Shizun of his very own.

brawls' notes: this isn't spooky or haunted, but it is psychological horror—packed with nightmares, flashbacks, dread, and manipulation. enjoy!

👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪👻👁️🎃🔪

and that's it! hope you find something fun to read for this october 🖤

and again—please reblog and add your own horror recs if you are feeling so inclined!

[kybercrystals94]

Congrats on 333 followers!!!

If you are looking for asks…

What some Hunter and Crosshair angst/whump! Personally I’m thinking hemlock is involved but literally anything with those two work!

Thank you so much, @dreamsight73!

I’ve been scheming this story for a while, and finally got to actually write it! I hope you enjoy your 333 word story 🫶

Visual

Read here on Ao3!

Rated: T (mentions of torture)

The pain is blinding, white hot excruciation. It consumes every part of him. It’s all he can think about. It’s all he can do not to scream.

When the source stops abruptly, agony lingers, residue like acid on flesh.

“Last time we crossed paths,” Hemlock says, “you had just lost a member of your squad. And it appears history may repeat itself. CT-9904 resisted my conditioning in the past, but I’ve made alterations to my methods. If you all survive, you will make fine operatives. And if not, there’s no shortage of clones to test on next.”

“We’ll survive. But you won’t,” Hunter grits out, resolution he has no right to steeling his voice.

Hemlock smiles at that. “Hmm.”

The pain returns.

And, somehow, it’s worse.

**

Something drags him from the depths of sleep. In the fragile beginnings of consciousness, Crosshair is aware of someone watching him. When he turns, he expects to see Omega in his doorway, plagued with another nightmare. Instead, he finds his oldest brother. The man’s posture is wrong, shadowed form haggard and unbalanced.

“Hunter?” Crosshair sits up.

Hunter takes an unsteady step back. “Sorry. I just needed…” his voice trails off.

“What?” Crosshair prods.

“I needed a visual,” Hunter finishes feebly. His voice is wrong too.

Glancing at Wrecker’s bed where the giant still sleeps, Crosshair slips out of his own. He moves past Hunter, walking to the main room. Hunter follows silently behind him. Crosshair turns on the light and sits down on one side of the couch, Hunter takes the other.

“Nightmare?” Crosshair asks.

Hunter hesitates, swallows visibly. “Hemlock’s conditioning.”

Crosshair has lost track of his own nightmares on that subject. He nods.

“You resisted,” Hunter says. “You survived.”

“So did you.”

Hunter’s expression crumbles further. “No. Not like you.”

Crosshair concedes by looking away.

“I dreamed you didn’t…survive. That we didn’t.”

“Hemlock’s the one that didn’t survive.”

Hunter nods, huffs a broken laugh. “Just like I told him.”

“Just like you told him,” Crosshair says.

Let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list!

Tag List: @followthepurrgil @amorfista @mooncommlink @arctrooper69 @proteatook @ezras-left-thumb @maeashryver @baddest-batchers @laughhardrunfastbekindsblog @omegafett99 @heidnspeak @fionas-frenzy @royallykt @blackseafoam @illogicaalbraindump @skellymom

[4ster-bl4ster]

A Comprehensive Guide to Tera Sickness and Poisoning

[[Ooc: Pinglist: @adrien-vomit , @time-travel-trio , @alolaveralabs ]]

// CONTENT WARNING: This post will contain graphic descriptions of a sickness created for the lore of the Stellardex pokemon universe. As such there is a huge warning for illness, body horror, altered mental states, and death. //

// If you read beyond this point and get upset it is entirely your fault, I warned you :| //

[[ Important note: A lot of this comes from my headcanon that Dynamax is like a fire-aligned energy and Tera is like ice, and they cancel each other out. ]]

□

What is "Tera Sickness+Poisoning"

Tera Sickness is caused by the human body's inability to process Tera Energy from the environment well. This is most often caused by an individual being within Area Zero for an extended period without the proper protective gear (At least an oxygen mask and filtered air so the lungs do not breathe in too much crystal debris)

□

How is Tera Sickness Contracted

As mentioned above, this sickness is contracted by overexposure to Tera energy, and as such is not contagious and cannot be spread to other individuals or Pokemon. Pokemon can contract the illness, but it is nowhere near as dangerous for them as it is for humans, as Pokemon can get the excess energy out through battle. However, this sickness can also be contracted by overuse of the Tera Orb, and as such it is recommended that an individual not overuse the feature in battle (this heavily applies for participants in the Paldea League)

□

What are the Symptoms

Mild Symptoms: • Headaches • Fatigue • Crystal flecks on the skin • Chills

Moderate symptoms: • Nausea • Foggy/crystalline vision • Lack of Appetite • Numbness in the fingers and toes similar to hypothermia

Should someone begin experiencing mild symptoms, it is recommended that they cease all battling and exposure to Tera Energy at once and seek medical assistance from a doctor.

Severe symptoms: • Loss of consciousness • Altered mental state • Crystallization of limbs (how Aster lost his leg) • Crystallization around the affected individual • Loss of sensation in the limbs (arms+legs)

Should a person be exposed to energy more and not seek treatment, tera crystals will begin to grow inside the body, which can result in organ failure and death.

□

Treatment

Treatment is mostly being around tera energy-free places, or being around Dynamax energy for long enough that it cancels out, but not for too long as Dynamax energy is bad in abundance too and can result in fever and other complications. Dynamax Bands are often used in hospitals to give patients gentle and stable exposure to Dynamax Energy over time.

Oftentimes should symptoms become severe enough, surgical intervention will be required, but that is a very rare outcome (unless you like whump, then I doubt I'll stop you). Limb loss can occur from the sickness, as well as skin grafts and scarring.

It is recommended that should someone begin exhibiting symptoms of Tera Sickness to seek out a doctor, especially if the symptoms are moderate and (or) crystal flecks appear on the skin.

□

//ooc: This is the intro post I made for Tera Sickness, and anyone can use it in their writing!! I don't mind, just link this post if you use it so others can read this :)

//ooc: Yeah, that's it for now— byebye!! Enjoy :3

[skyler10fic]

Alter Ego

Summary: Daisy Johnson might be falling for her new roommate, but she has to hide her secret identity as the masked vigilante Quake. Her superhero rival, Captain Marvel, gets hurt one night on the job, and behind the helmet lies a surprise!

Notes: For @ficwip All Ships Ship Week. Prompts: Domesticity / living together, Sickfic / hurt/comfort / whump, Double life, and “Who did this to you?” Yup. I worked all of the prompts into this one!

Read on Ao3

---------------------------------------

Quake may have been the city's most mysterious vigilante hero, but that didn't pay the rent. In her normal life, Daisy Johnson was just an IT girl at Stark Industries during the day and she needed a roommate if she was going to keep her apartment. She sighed at the bills piling up on the dining room table. 

A notification pinged on her phone. “Hi, this is Carol Danvers. Are you still looking for someone to sublease your second bedroom? My uncle is Nick Fury. He said it was exactly what I'm looking for.” 

Daisy sat up straighter and typed a response back that yes she was and that Fury had mentioned he might know of someone but hadn't said who, which ended up in Carol scheduling a day to come over. Fury was Daisy’s dad's friend, former boss, and longtime mentor at “the US State Department” aka the top secret spy agency Shield. She'd assumed Fury was just being polite when she mentioned her roommate search at a family barbeque and he seemed to have someone in mind. Now his own niece was on her way over. 

Daisy just hoped Carol didn’t ask too many questions if she noticed Daisy went out at night. The last thing Daisy needed was for Carol to mention it to her uncle and then for Fury to pass the suspicion along to Daisy’s retired spy dad and agency-contractor pilot mom. No one could know about Quake and her illegal vigilante crime fighting.

—---- Carol loved the apartment, but as Daisy finished the tour, Carol’s phone beeped at her. She enjoyed being Captain Marvel, but her uncle emphasized no one could know, for her own safety and that of their spy agency that she technically worked for. Her paychecks said the US State Department, and the story she told everyone, including Daisy, was that she was a low-ranking assistant to the physics specialist of the federal scientific policy advisory board. That was usually sufficiently impressive and complicated enough to satisfy other people without having to answer too many questions. Meanwhile, she was flying around the world and beyond as her alter ego defending earth from terrestrial and extraterrestrial villains. 

Today, however, she wished she didn't have to answer the call to duty. At least not right this second. They were having far too much fun already after a few hours of conversation and coffee. Daisy was so smart, kind, and generous, not to mention exactly Carol’s type, and Carol could already picture her bedroom furniture in the empty room Daisy had to offer. 

“I am so, so sorry,” Carol said, glancing at her phone. “I have to go, but send me the lease and I'll get it back to you ASAP.”

“That's a yes then? Good. I was hoping you liked it. We have to have that Mario Kart tournament after all. If you're brave enough to challenge me.” 

Carol didn't miss the hope in Daisy's teasing smile. 

“Oh it's a plan.” Carol stopped herself from pecking a kiss to Daisy's cheek. She'd never done that with anyone else before, and it would be even weirder to start now with a near-stranger she was about to move in with. 

—----------------------- 

An exasperated sigh sounded from behind Quake in a dark alley where she’d just prevented a hate group member from setting off a shrink ray. “Not you again.” 

“You’re welcome!” Quake retorted, voice muffled by the black mask covering her mouth and nose. She finished hogtying the criminal and he grunted, nearly coming back to consciousness. 

“I’m serious.” Of course she was. It was Captain Marvel, the head-to-toe red, blue, and gold do-gooder. She was like the stereotype of Supergirl, Wonder Woman, and “truth, justice, and the American way” comic book perfection come to life. She stood watching Quake from the roof of a parked delivery truck, as if to show off that she could fly and Quake couldn’t.

“Oh I know. Captain Mighty here to save the poor criminal,” Quake sassed.

“It’s Marvel,” the blonde annoyance grumbled. “And I have to take him in. Ever heard of the justice system? A fair trial?” 

“Don’t need a civics lesson, Girl Scout. He’s all yours.” Quake built up vibrations with her palms toward the ground and blasted off to the rooftop of the nearest building, high above the alley and even Captain Marvel, who was now checking that tonight’s evil henchman was still alive. He always was. Quake knew her own power. She could take out the whole city, maybe more, if she tried. She’d taken down a dozen of these ordinary criminals and never left them with fatal damage. Not that they didn’t deserve it. But that was the vigilante in her talking. 

She’d dropped out of Shield agent training as she hit against protocol again and again, ashamed she couldn’t live up to her family legacy but unable to excuse the politics driving who got their help and who didn’t. Her father’s retirement and subsequent declassification of several of his missions in which he had similar concerns only reinforced her choice. She was better on her own. 

When she got home, Carol was in the shower and it was easy to sneak in unnoticed. Having a roommate added difficulty to the whole secrecy thing, but Carol was so easygoing and fun, she probably wouldn’t even be phased by the truth. Daisy realized she was considering telling Carol, if nothing else, just to make herself feel less ridiculous when sneaking into her own home.

—------------------- 

Home from superhero duty, Carol couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew Quake’s voice. She could never hear it clearly because of the mask, but there was something about her that niggled at Carol’s sense of familiarity, beyond their crime-fighting run-ins of course. Carol had never gotten close enough to see Quake’s eyes, and besides that, they were heavily lined with black makeup. The pain in the ass usually wore a hooded leather jacket or hoodie as well, covering her ears and hair. Carol hated that the vigilante got into her head like this. Sometimes the obsession felt like jealousy over Quake’s freedom, and other times it felt like lust, if she even dared admit it to herself alone in the shower. Seeing Quake use her powers, even in frustrating ways that made Captain Marvel’s job harder, was just plain hot in all the ways that turned Carol on. Which made Quake even more obnoxious. 

She heard Daisy come in and hurried to get out of the shower. After dealing with Quake the Reckless, it was refreshing to think about Daisy’s gentle smile and quick wit. She grounded and comforted Carol in ways no one else did. Even when she couldn’t know why Carol needed it. 

—-------------------

Quake heard the telltale thump behind her of Captain Marvel landing forcefully on a car roof. 

“Ugh, I didn’t even get there in time tonight—” Quake spun around to defend herself from Captain Marvel’s scolding. By the time she had arrived at the top-secret lab, the glass greenhouse roof had already been shattered with black goo everywhere. A hovercraft was flying away, hauling a screaming alien blob covered in giant flowers. Quake was left staring up at them in the parking lot, having only just arrived and discovered the empty lab. 

Captain Marvel didn’t land on her feet, however. The thump was her body falling from high above. She cried out as she rolled to the ground. She was protecting herself by falling with her body tucked in, so she had some awareness of what was happening, but by the time she hit the asphalt and Quake rushed over, she was slipping in and out of consciousness. 

“Who did this to you?” Quake panicked as she looked over a bleeding, prone Captain Marvel. While she wished they stayed out of each other’s business, she certainly didn’t want any harm to come to Little Miss Perfect. The bleeding seemed to come from the neck, under Captain Marvel’s helmet. 

“Shit,” Quake swore. “I’m going to have to take off your helmet. Is that okay?” 

Captain Marvel groaned and slowly crossed one hand over to the opposite wrist. It must have been a release button because the helmet retracted, leaving Quake in true shock.

Quake’s hands shook as she tried to find the source of the bleeding. She kept looking back to her superhero rival’s face. It was Carol. This wasn’t just a woman who resembled her. Her voice rasped out a sentence Quake didn’t quite catch. 

“It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you.” Quake looked around helplessly. There was no one to pass this one off to so she could maintain her cover. No nearby crowd to call to for help or off-duty nurse running their way to take over. She was alone. 

Carol tried to speak again and the lines on her brow furrowed. The bleeding had stopped, and her neck looked intact. The blood had to be seeping up from her shoulder. That was a good sign. Quake had repaired her own shoulder injuries more times than she could count. 

“What’s that?” Quake leaned down, as Carol seemed really adamant about her mumbled phrase.

��Call an ambulance, dumbass.” 

Quake almost laughed. “Right. Sorry. I forgot you are all legal and everything, not a secret from the government.” 

Carol grimaced again and pulled up a holographic number pad from her forearm. Quake dialed 911 and immediately hated herself for wondering if she should wait around. Of course she would. This was CAROL. The realization was still sinking in. Captain Marvel was Carol. Her roommate and friend and crush Carol was her greatest annoyance Captain Marvel. But Carol was so laid back and cool. And Captain Marvel was so all-business and by-the-book. 

In an effort to look more like a normal person and less like a vigilante superhero, Daisy made minor adjustments to her appearance as the ambulance loaded Carol in. Daisy noted the truck had a government license plate, not a standard one, and one of the EMTs glanced at Daisy like he knew her. 

“Are you coming?” the familiar EMT called. She placed how she knew him: Shield. He was one of her dad’s former coworkers from Shield.

“Um, yeah? Yes.” Daisy’s mind was made up. She would be there for Carol through whatever came next. And if Carol hated her for it when she realized the truth, then at least it was better than this secret eating at her alone. She sat on the bench by Carol’s feet as the EMTs sedated her and worked to get the supersuit off. It certainly wasn’t cuttable by anything they had in a standard ambulance, but with the disengaged helmet and some quick guessing on Daisy’s part at the buttons on Carol’s wrist, they managed to get the top off without causing further injury. 

Without the supersuit, Carol’s white ribbed tank top further hammered home the situation. Daisy had seen her wear it around their home a dozen times at least. She’d even folded it, or one identical to it, as they did laundry together last weekend. 

Carol was rushed off to triage care as soon as they arrived at the emergency room, leaving Daisy to pace the waiting area. Eventually, the nurse at the reception desk cleared her to go back to Carol’s newly assigned hospital room. She’d been here so many times with her parents that it took a second to realize she hadn’t needed directions. They were at the Shield ward of Walter Reed’s classified Agent Care Center. Everyone in here was current or former FBI, CIA, NSA, and the like. But only a few knew how to even access the Shield floor. She punched in the Shield-only access door code from pure muscle memory, and when the check-in desk receptionist tried to stop her, she simply kept walking and greeted a nurse by name. 

Even with her mask off, the Quake professional-badass energy was still coursing through her. That is, at least, until she saw her roommate/friend/crush bandaged and badly bruised in a hospital bed. 

A nurse stood at Carol’s bedside holding a Shield tablet, and he startled and then softened as he saw Daisy. “Hey, you’re Phil and Melinda’s kid, right? I have here you’re also on Carol’s emergency contact call sheet and approved disclosure list.” 

Daisy nodded. She hadn’t known she was one of Carol’s emergency contacts, much less on the list of safe people to communicate declassified information to. In fact, she was only just realizing that Carol’s job sounded suspiciously like a cover story for the agency. As the puzzle pieces fell into place, Daisy watched as Carol’s body glowed slightly, healing itself.

“Damn, I’m jealous of you even when you’re sedated in a hospital bed,” Daisy quipped, more Quake than roommate. 

Carol grumbled as she awoke but didn’t open her eyes yet. “And it’s still somehow never you taking the hits.”      

“I’ve got bruises to prove that’s not true,” Daisy countered.

The nurse, satisfied with Carol’s slow waking, said, “I’ll leave you to it” and closed the door discreetly behind him. 

Daisy scooted closer and took Carol’s hand to coax Carol to stay awake. This time her voice came out softer, more love-smitten friend than bitter rival. “Hey there, Girl Scout. Turns out we need to talk. Roommate to roommate.” 

Carol struggled to open her eyes, but then blinked hard when she did. “Daisy? But I thought…?” 

She was about to say “never mind,” to blow off the confusion as part of her injuries, but Daisy watched the excuse die on Carol’s lips as she took in Daisy’s outfit and makeup. Black eyeliner, hooded leather jacket, tight black ripped skinny jeans and dark grey shirt. The hood was off and the gloved gauntlets were stored securely in her inner jacket pocket, but recognition clearly passed over Carol’s face. 

“You’re? But you can’t… You wouldn’t.” Carol’s glowing body, meanwhile, was rapidly fading her many bruises and repairing the damage as they spoke. She tried and succeeded with great effort to push herself up to sitting. 

Daisy choked back a half-laugh half-cry. Carol was going to be okay. “I’ll tell you the story later, but it’s really me, both your Daisy and the Quake you chase around, making sure I am always doing the right thing, even when we disagree on what that is.” 

“My Daisy,” Carol sighed and laid down again. The IV in her arm sent painkillers that along with the super-healing was sending Carol back to dreamland. 

“We’ll talk when you’re better. Just get well okay? Maybe we can even find a way to work together.” 

For now, Carol didn’t fully process these words as she slipped back into recovery rest. But eventually, Daisy would make good on that promise. 

—-------------- 

Fury had known the enhanced division couldn’t operate as ordinary Shield agents forever. This latest development proved it was time. Phil had always told him he needed to let superheroes be superheroes, as dangerous as they could be. It’d be more dangerous to have them out there unsupervised with no backup. His thorough, proposed revisions to Shield policy had recently been unanimously accepted by the governing board as well. 

That said, no one was more shocked than Phil to find out his sweet baby adopted daughter turned fully grown superpowered adult was the masked vigilante no media outlet could get a picture of. Humble pie was eaten by all that day, as Fury reinstated Daisy as a provisional agent of Shield’s enhanced division, with full honors upon finishing her remaining training courses. Only this time, the training was suited to her learning style and experience as a hero. The mutual compromise came with maturity on Daisy’s part as well as she learned to work as part of a team and put trust above impulsivity, even when she offered constructive, instead of explosive, feedback. 

The key in all this, of course, was the newly mellowed Captain Marvel. Whether it was the time in physical therapy rehab or making things official with her roommate/girlfriend/superhero partner, Carol and Captain Marvel blended more seamlessly into one another, with Carol more confident and Captain Marvel more flexible and less anxious about perfection and pushing herself beyond her limits. Daisy helped her bring her full self to the job, and Carol helped Daisy find belonging and attachment, each helping to heal part of the other. 

The only people who didn’t enjoy this partnership were the villains, henchmen, and run-of-the-mill supernatural criminals they encountered. For them, it was a nightmare ending behind bars as two superhero girlfriends holding hands walked away into the sunrise of a safer, happier new day for all.

[oliversrarebooks]

Hey, I’d just like to say that I absolutely ADORE your writing… it’s so vivid and visceral, and generally some of the best whump I’ve found! I was wondering if you had any tips for writing altered states and different/lowered levels of consciousness. I’ve found I really struggle with that as a writer, but I love it whenever your writing delves into this kind of thing!

Ahhh thank you so much! That's very kind of you.

As for writing altered states and lowered consciousness... mostly I just write what appeals to me! I think having a strict third person limited perspective helps because you can then express the person's diminishing capacity through their altered thoughts and sensations. Sensory description is really important to whump, I think, and it's something I'm always trying to improve on.

[deviant-doughnut]

Augusnippets: Day Twenty-Seven

Chosen Prompt: Phantom Pains

CW: Hand whump; previous violence; mention of massacre

Elliott’s hand should not hurt. The seasons play his body like an instrument these days and he’s growing reluctantly used to that. His scar tissue itched under the hot breath of summer; his reset bones creaked as fall snatched the humidity from the air. Now he wakes to ice on his windows, to snow falling like ash from the sky, and when he climbs out of bed his left kneecap aches badly and he spends his day masking a limp. On days like that, it’s as though all the physical remnants of what happened to him in April have crawled deep inside his body, burrowing into his joints for their warmth, scraping away damaged cartridge with their teeth. It makes a miserable sort of sense, he supposes. It’s something with which he can’t argue.

But his hand.

The cut was neither clean nor sudden. The cut was deliberate, a knife meant for vegetables set deliberately at the midpoint of his forearm, pressure applied as he screamed on the ground. These are the points where his memory fades, dashed to ashen grey at the edges. He discovered this in his sessions with Dr. Dubois, before he gave up on them in a fit of frustration one afternoon — that his own mind had blinded him to the worst of the shock. He remembers screaming, his throat gone so raw there was blood in his vomit afterwards. He remembers his colleagues begging them to stop, a group of hostages pleading uselessly for mercy. He remembers a voice, sometimes, low and sly. Something about setting an example, about teaching the organisation a lesson. He doesn’t recall losing consciousness, but woke up among their bodies in the depths of the night, the quiet so thick it was wrong, sickening. He remembers having to call 911 with his non-dominant hand, remembers staring down at the bloodied remains of his arm, a ravaged stump where his right hand should have been.

Today his right hand stings and aches. He remembers a boot stamping down on it that night, the terrible crack of his metacarpal bones. He cannot remember what he was reaching for. Consciously, he can’t even remember the shock of the pain now. He knows it hurt badly, but that it was nothing compared to what came for him next, one memory engulfed by another. He wonders if it felt like this, like his fingers are curled and unable to extend, like the pain in the middle of his hand is cacophonous.

He dresses — pre-tied ties slung on hangers in his closet, courtesy of Denny before he walked out at last — and he shrugs on his winter coat.

He keeps the arm of his right shirt rolled up, no attempt here to hide his altered anatomy. He carries frustration more easily than shame, injustice rather than embarrassment. His colleagues, the ones who were not there for the massacre, eye his residual limb sometimes as though it purports a second reckoning, something they will be altered by as well. He generally looks away from those stares, but today he glares through his pain. He grinds his teeth through his meetings and swallows pain relief down in the bathroom. He takes deep breaths while he sits at his desk, and wills that night in April to finally release its tether to him, to let go of his hand at long last.

If Elliott could cut off his phantom limb, if it would ease the suffocating weight of the pain that should not be there, he’d do it. He watches his new boss slice tomatoes on their lunch break, sleek metal of a vegetable knife that couldn’t do anything for him now.

-

Thank you to @augusnippets for this event!

[bloodsweatandpotato]

Whump ASMR videos because I’m cringe and have insomnia

Key (theme): ⚔️wartime, 🔮fantasy, 🐂cowboy/western, 🌊pirate/sailor, 🛸sci-fi, 🧟zombie/apocayptic, ✨other, 🕶spy/secret agent, 🚥cyberpunk

Key (wounds): 😵‍💫dazed/dizzy, 🤕head wound, 🥴altered consciousness, 🤒fever, 🩸blood loss, 🔪stab wound, 🔫gunshot wound, 🧠amnesia, 👀altered vision, 🦴blunt trauma, 🦠sickness

Key (actions):💉anesthetic, 🩹bandages, 💊medicine, 🪡stitches, 🧺wound washing, 🥃 alcohol as anesthetic, ✂️surgery, 🤤drugged, 👄 hypnotism, 🧪poisoned , 👁wake up

Key (speaker): 🍄 masc speaker, 🌱fem speaker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOXOPjfS19E On a spaceship, found wounded and unconscious after a distress signal was sent out. Superficial head injury, mild neck injury, in shock, unable to speak. Vitals taken, bandaging, shot of anesthetic, pupils checked, sound of spaceship in background. 🛸😵‍💫🤕🦴🥴💉🩹🌱

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbfbHgfRL3o&list=PLn7u5acSPTWBFsG_1cR3TRLAbdK88Bmti&index=122 Waking up after being unconscious from head injury, taken care of by best friend in post apocalyptic world. Dazed/disoriented, total amnesia, fading in and out of consciousness, talking about life story. Sweetness and worry. Amazing camera effects that blur and sway according to your level of consciousness. 🧟😵‍💫🦴🤕🧠🥴👀🧺👁🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hLP9wSty2o&t=101s Sequel to ⬆️. Talking, soothing, regaining spotty memories. less whump and more just relaxed h/c. 🧟🤕🧠🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMk5iFpreE0&list=PLn7u5acSPTWBFsG_1cR3TRLAbdK88Bmti&index=46 Taken care of by medic after being bitten by a zombie. Given cure, diseased flesh cut away, pupil response and heart rate checked, eyes fluttery. Cure doesn’t work at first and the listener starts to show signs of slipping. 🧟😵‍💫🥴👀🩸💉💊🩹👁✂️🧺🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98vDgwQtQLk Stumbles into house injured and looking for medical supplies and found by helpful stranger. Held at gunpoint (until realizing listener means no harm), gash on side, blood loss, stitched up. Strangers to friends to… more? 🧟🔪🩸🪡🩹🌱

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6tsI78KVAY Being operated on after being shot in the neck in shootout. Anesthetic (well, time period accurate), surgery while awake, bullet removal, cleaned and stitched up. 🐂🩸🔫😵‍💫🥃🧺💊🩹🪡✂️🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S05drJHvqFs&t=169s Being operated on after found shot in the shoulder by railroad tracks after train robbery. Disoriented and slipping in and out of consciousness, anesthetic (time period accurate), surgery while awake, bullet removal, cleaned and stitched up. 🐂🩸🔫😵‍💫🥴👀🩹🧺🪡👁✂️🥃🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy5DC9illbY&list=PL9G1xkhTgaUByXjCatUpoBT-ioIFayQBT&index=2 Tended to by soldier after being caught in grenade explosion. Dazed and disoriented, hearing damaged and mild concussion, given morphine, friendly talk and chat while being patched up best he can, shared chocolate and overall very friendly. ⚔️😵‍💫🤕🦴🩹🧺💉🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dwyhqb5OV0&t=2402s Experimented on by mad scientist/doctor. Heavily drugged, with the effects being tested. Visual and auditory disturbances (including seeing rainbow colored multiples of the scientist). Torture video ig. ✨😵‍💫🥴👀💉🤤🌱

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsWDCHijJII&list=PL_GoLu4945hMfdjaS7Yoowo5nhM066d7J&index=5 Experimented on by mad scientist/doctor. Heavily drugged and sedated to the point of hallucinating/seeing multiples. Gassed and arm removed, with listener being completely helpless and euphoric throughout. Lots of talk about how the listener must “feel like they’re flying” and “your head is so up up up in the clouds you can’t even say a thing”. ✨😵‍💫🥴👀💉🤤✂️🩹🪡🌱

Privated. Wayback machine link: https://web.archive.org/web/20220310172328/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jsoSJ9g6Ic Saved by friend/medic (friends to lovers hehe) after being trapped in rubble. Superhero listener, banter and comfort eeeeee. Maybe halfway through listener almost passes out from blood loss and friend gets really worried. Repeatedly begged to stay awake. Called “boss” o-o. Dies and then is magically brought back at the end (spoiler alert: your friend/love has hidden superpowers that emerged from his grief owo) So many whumperflies first time I watched.🔮😵‍💫🥴🦴🩸🔪🧺🪡🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6gLUFIxz0Y Found and tended to by acquaintance and his dog after you were in an accident/fight. Dazed and slipping in and out of consciousness, bad concussion, demonstrates why alcohol and concussions don’t mix lol. 🐂😵‍💫🥴🤕🦴👀🥃🪡✂️👁🩹🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMoqwEifB9A&list=PLn7u5acSPTWBFsG_1cR3TRLAbdK88Bmti&index=108 Hero listener taken care of and talked to by Villain. Worry and chatting. Blurs the lines of morality. Enemies to friends to… more? Called “my dear hero” and “little hero” o-o.🔮🤕😵‍💫🦴🩹🌱

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De5ZTGdzQJk Captured by enemy officer. Interrogation and negotiation including physical and psychological torture. Cut with saltpeter packed into the wounds, as well as being choked to the point of unconsciousness In the end the situation is reversed and the listener takes the officer hostage while other patriots storm the camp. ⚔️🔪🩸👀🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nVjQDE8eo0 Drugged and coerced into illegal organ ‘donation���. Drugged listener is completely out of it and doesn’t really understand what’s going on as they ‘consent’ to the surgery. Lots of talk about how you “shouldn’t worry” and how “fuzzy” the listener must feel, as well as nice counting backwards for anesthesia (with the listener fighting it). ✨😵‍💫🥴🤤💉✂️🌱

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SH7aelZFk7M Goes to interrogate elf prisoner, and oh how the turntables. The elf uses a combination of magic and hypnotism to compel the viewer to release the shackles and order the elf to be released. Soothing voice, dropping in and out of consciousness, ordered around. 🔮😵‍💫🥴👄🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSPjlZcDtvE&list=PLM9r0ZYucPouScRuCAB4irBh_NSRzkkDY&index=5 Rescued by Gabriel (part of the occult mystery series) and in the backseat of a car. Major blood loss, drifting in and out of consciousness, worried/frantic Gabe, told repeatedly to stay awake. Called “Angel” o-o (that is the name of the character the listener is but still…). ✨😵‍💫🥴🩸🔪👀🩹🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqRsy5s0fFg Taken care of after being knocked out and concussed by a grenade. Very out of it with some amnesia and a bad concussion. Slipping in and out of consciousness and not knowing where you are. Talked to and evaluated (with the listener initially not doing well, leaving speaker worried), head wound cleaned and re-bandaged, given morphine. ���️😵‍💫🥴🤕🦴🧠👀🩹👁🧺💉🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddf76NWBU7M Evaluated and taken care of after being knocked out/ cut open by shrapnel in an explosion. Very out of it and slipping in and out of consciousness, with speaker doing his best to keep the listener awake. Concussed listener, blood loss, wrapped in blankets because it’s cold. Worry and talking, with listener’s consciousness checked multiple times (apparently he isn’t comfortable with listener sleeping, especially with it being so cold). ⚔️😵‍💫🥴🤕🧠🩸🔪🦴👀👁💉🩹🧺🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbM2eKZRNNs&t=56s General talk and patched up/taken care of by friend while recovering from having arm amputated (due to zombie bite). Worry and rambling, shell shocked friend still horrified at having to amputate, fever, forehead gently wiped with wet rag, bandages changed. 🧟🤒🔪🧺🩹🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGBP0in3xdE Mission goes wrong (the listener and Quinn are spies) and listener gets shot. Quinn does her best to keep the listener awake but it’s a close call. Worry, panic, love confessions, passing out and waking up in medical. 🕶😵‍💫🥴🩸🔫🌱

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zie8c2PZOY&list=PLn7u5acSPTWBFsG_1cR3TRLAbdK88Bmti&index=83 On a beach after ship was shot down. Concussed and completely out of it. Patched up, (gently) interrogated about code. Slight amnesia. ✨😵‍💫🥴🤕🧠🦴👁🩹🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqTPQNYFyMA&t=223s Taken care of and worried over after being found passed out on floor by bodyguard. Feverish and dazed/lightheaded, with bodyguard and listener trying to figure out what happened (spoiler alert: the pizza was poisoned/drugged). Worried phone calls to try and figure out what happened, eventually decided listener needs to get to the clinic. Called “boss” o-o.✨😵‍💫🥴🤒🧪🤤🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Yhbz_NRNh0&list=PLn7u5acSPTWBFsG_1cR3TRLAbdK88Bmti&index=76 Pirate captain listener tempted by siren, saved by first mate. Male siren, female first mate. Worry and banter. 🌊😵‍💫🥴👄🌱🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo9gTO97Xko&t=921s Patched up by stranger after being found unconscious in abandoned police station. Police officer listener is only survivor of zombie attack. Bitten by zombie, wound cleaned, calms down panicked civilian stranger. Trying to make sense of initial zombie outbreak. 🧟😵‍💫🥴🦠🩸👁🩹🧺🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hblOIQV-oM Found injured in a scrapyard by friend after deal went bad. Taken back to friend’s place and fixed up. Basic medical exam, gunshot wounds stitched, put in/taken out of cryro. 🚥😵‍💫🔫🩸💉🩹🪡🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZc0Ie2OYv4 Vampire hunter listener is tricked by a vampire and hypnotised/mind controlled. Fed on, under vampire’s control, weak from blood loss. 🔮🥴🩸🔪👄🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eehezlPgsfw&t=566shttps:// Listener is a spy undercover on the enemy side of a war. After things go south and listener ends up injured and captured, fellow soldier/spy goes on a rescue mission. No serious injury, but nice worry/vibes. Dehydrated, bruised, talking and friendly conversation. 🕶🦴🩹🧺👁🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXl_v6gDbaQ Secret agent listener rescued after being captured and tortured/interrogated. Stab wounds, head injury, altered consciousness, and double vision, as well as heavily implied drugging. Wounds stitched up, repeatedly worried over and told to pull (your)self together so listener and rescuer can shoot a path out. 🕶😵‍💫🥴🤕👀🩸🔪🤤🪡🍄

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whIZIxNkt6c Ripperdoc friend fusses over/patches up listener after listener stumbles into their place. Temporary amnesia (and the friend being worried about it), altered consciousness, talking and comfort, put under anesthesia by friend and apparently was unconscious for five days. Medically innacurate but whumpy. 🚥🥴😵‍💫🧠💉✂️👁🍄

General channels to check out:

Jim ASMR: Totally check this out. His channel is really… interesting. Very niche things, dark and gritty atmosphere, amazing cosplays. Whumpy stuff a lot of times. Also please support queer creators. My man (gender neutral) is legit a shapeshifter with how well they embody characters.

Tinglesmith ASMR: Interesting channel again. Dark and gritty atmosphere. A lot of times whumpy.

Quill ASMR: Check this out. Not as “unique” as far as ASMR channels go, but still very nice!

The Cozy Hospital ASMR: Super unique! Extremely accurate medical/hospital roleplays (a lot of the time with minimal talking) and real(istic) props.

[teine-mallaichte]

Hey, thought it was probably worth making an intro post.

So... I'm a wannabe writer who only started sharing my work in 2023, so I'm still kind of figuring out the world of online fandoms.

Writing Master List

Fandom wise I mainly write One Piece and Dragon Age stuff. Mainly ZoSan and Fenders to be honest. Which as a point are two wildly different fandom experiences 🤣

However, I am also currently branching out into original characters/fiction - mainly living weapon type stuff to be honest.

What I Like to Write About:

Character Studies and Internal Monologues: I enjoy attempting to delve into a character's mind, having them wrestle with their own demons or dilemmas.

World Building: I love world building, in fact I think I may prefer world building to writing actual narratives... But I can't exactly just share world building - at least I don't think I can...

Canon Divergence and "What If" Scenarios: I think these may be my favourite "tropes" to write, though I am getting into AUs recently.

Types of whump/angst I enjoy:

Living weapon

Hiding injury/illness

Altered consciousness

Environmental whump

Manipulation

Guilded Cage

Psychological whump

Whmperless whump

What I don't write:

I don't really write smut, I've tried and I just can't do it... I might try occasionally but, well don't hold your breath.

I hate writing fluff and comfort, but I do try to do so.

About Me:

Day Job: I'm a personal trainer & run coach, who specialises with marathon runners.

Peer Support Worker: I also work in peer support working with people who have experiences of self-harm and eating disorders. (I’m recovered from self-harm and bulimia myself.) I have also done a lot of work with people who have experience of abuse, and have my own history of PTSD.

Hobbies: I have done kendo for 16 years, akiedo for 6 months, and HEMA for a year. I also run.

Mental Health: I have schizoaffective disorder, which means I experience periods of psychosis, mania, and depression. Even when I'm stable, I have auditory hallucinations, my main voice is called Nigel and is essentially my constant irritating companion.

I am very open about my mental health, I've written several blogs under a pen name for charities in the past and often give talks locally about my experiences. So if anyone has questions go for it, if any writers want any info about what it's like to experience hallucinations or mania or whatever also just ask, seriously I'm basically impossible to offend.

I often incorporate elements of my own mental health experiences into my writing. It's the whole "write what you know" thing. After having to drop out of studying post-grad medicine at 22 (after fortunately at least completing my bio-med degree) due to my mental illness, sometimes it does feel like mental illness is "all the know" 😅

I'm back at uni now as a mature student, but studying psychology... So in a way this is still "all I know."

So that's a bit about me!

I take part in DADWC each Friday taking prompts from here.

I'm good with taking prompts at any time, from prompt lists (include the full prmpt and list in the ask) or just whatever prompt you feel like sending.

Most of my longer pieces are on AO3 here.

[reve-de-whump]

Embracing Scifi-Fantasy tropes : Body swap whump

I feel like this trope has a lot of potential for pain, confusion, frustration, discomfort, alienation, body horror, and much more. Might the swap be permanent or temporary.

It can also be used to bring characters closer on the principle of walking a mile in the other’s shoes, for anyone wanting more comfort at the end

-Swapping into an injured body: An injured comrade? An enemy they have just wounded? Some victim being used as a voodoo doll by a whumper? Suddenly the whumpee gets overwhelmed by unexpected pains hitting all at once as they become aware of being into an injured body. Bonus for being able to have the whumpee experience serious injuries or near-death experiences without it being fatal to their original body

-Swapping into a body with a medical condition: Someone with chronic pains, a health issue, or recovering from a health issue? Swapped with someone who is hospitalised? The whumpee comes to realise quickly how much they took their more or less able body for granted, as they experience realities, limitations, and hurt they were not prepared for

-Swapping into a different biology: an alien or fantastic species with a way different biology? What it is like to suddenly be allergic to the sun, or unable to breath oxygen, or have more sensitive senses? New magical weaknesses? Different size or physical capacities? The body heal faster so the whumpee coincidentally can get hurt more? Having to adapt to wild differences making the experience more disorienting and frustrating.

-Swapping into a different biology, the body horror version: what if the other body is so extremely different? A rock monster with no sense of touch? An insect alien with no human-like mouth? Claws they keep accidentally hurting themselves with? Their allies are afraid or disgusted with them and it hurts to realise? Extra legs or oozing things or uncontrollable hungers that scares the whumpee, The Metamorphosis from Kafka and all

-Swapping into a body with altered/different consciousness: Swapped into a body drugged or concussed or with other altered consciousness and the whumpee have to try and focus through the brain fog? Into a body and suddenly the whumpee can only speak an unknown alien/fantasy language or cannot understand his usual language?

-Swapped into a body fighting back: they wake up in a body rejecting them? They are overwhelmed by the body’s memories in disorienting or painful episodes of migraines of flashbacks? They feel their personality vanishing? The rejection makes them physically sick? They were swapped into an animal and the whumpee feels their sentience and intelligence slowly ebbing away? They fear vanishing if they get fully rejected or erased?

-Swapping into the body of the enemy: now everyone thinks whumpee is the bad guy. Whumpee can be hunted down, hurt, insulted, arrested, disregarded, and much more. No one believes them, their allies distrust them or want them dead. The usual caretaker can even become a whumper without knowing it for extra angst

And possibly many other opportunities!

[snakebites-and-ink]

Whumpmas in July Day 1: Reintroduce Yourself

Hi all! I’m @snakebites-and-ink. I’ve been on whumpblr about a year and a half (tho for the first several months of that I was mainly lurking). I like many different kinds of whump—some of my favorites are pet whump, living weapons, slavery, and almost anything involving heavy conditioning or altered mindset. I can also get quite a kick out of whumper-turned-whumpee and revenge whump. I’m always looking for new series that scratch the right itch, so if you write something that features a fave trope of mine feel free to hit me up. (I am a shameless-self-promotion-positive reader lol.)

I’m a little socially awkward so I might sound a bit weird when I talk to people, but I promise I don’t bite, and I welcome interaction! I rarely initiate because of my social anxiety, but I really am happy to talk with anyone who drops into my ask box or dms.

If you want to see my writing, you can check it out on my masterlist! I have both OC and generic whump in series, miniseries, and standalone drabbles. I am an amateur, but so are many of the other people in this community so I am trying to beat back the self-consciousness. ^^'

I think that covers all the basics, but if you want to know more you can check out the info posts linked on my main masterlist (or just ask, if that’s what you prefer.)

[pouringoutmythoyghtsbefore1drown]

what does human weapon mean in the whump genre? Because at first i was like “ah yes… sentient weapon? like a sword with consciousness?” but i think upon seeing further posts i’m incorrect.

I tried to look it up but still i am confused. Does the human weapon need to be physically altered to be a weapon (in the sense of having a gun arm or something)?

[fanficrocks]

Cardinal points

Lewis (TV) fic written for @chrumblr-whumblr May whump prompt list - Day 29 Infection.

Chapter 1 of 3 (next chapters to come soon); also available on AO3.

Chapter 1: Absence

Robbie surfaced briefly from what felt like a sea of agony and tried to find his bearings. His brain felt hazy and uncooperative, and the only sensation he could truly feel was pain - wave after wave of it with every breath he took. With a despairing sigh, he felt himself sink back into oblivion, merciful or otherwise, just as a frantic beeping seemed to take over the world.

The passage of time seemed to make no sense whatsoever. He was vaguely conscious of people around him, some of them doing things he wanted no part of, and others exhorting him to make an effort - to do what he was not sure. But he knew he could not deny them, for he loved them. And at one moment, he was acutely aware of a tiny hand wrapped around his little finger… he knew he should lift the owner of that hand and cuddle them close, but his body would not obey his mind. And then he must have lost awareness yet again, for there was nothing.

It was later, much later - hours or days, he was not certain - when he suddenly had an outburst of clarity. He was not certain whether he was truly conscious or awake… it felt like he was floating in some other plane, at once separated from yet tethered to the real world, with only his mental faculties intact. He was not sure what exactly to call the senses driving him, for they were not sight or sound or speech as he knew them. But after some cogitation, he decided that the familiar words were as good as any to describe this unfamiliar awareness. And so he let go of fruitless thoughts and took stock of what he could.

Looking down from where he was floating (for he could not find any other word to describe his position), he saw the not necessarily familiar, but easily recognisable features of a hospital room… one bristling with tubes and wires snaking out of the figure on the bed, all hooked up to monitors with flashing colours and numbers. And the figure on the bed was… his own? Looking a little beyond, he saw Laura and Lyn seated on either side, each holding the lax fingers of one hand of that figure. And they both looked desperate, their faces showing the tracks of dried tears despite the fierce determination overlaying everything - that was not right! He could not have them feeling so; he had to fix this. But how?

Even as he thought that, the door to the room opened and another familiar figure entered - Jean Innocent. And she looked sadder and more defeated than he had ever seen her in the seven years she had been his CS. Straining his ears (or whatever passed for them in this altered plane), he managed to catch the words that passed between her and Laura.

“No change?”

“No. For a bit, we thought there was some improvement - his temperature seemed to drop a touch. But there is no consciousness, no response.”

Now, that hurt! Of course he was conscious - he could not be aware of all that was happening if he was unconscious. And Laura should know that, for all her gallows humour about patients who cannot answer back. But even as he tried to show his displeasure, he realised that while he could see and hear in some way, he could not speak. And nor could that body lying on the bed. But Jean had more to say, and he had to concentrate hard to hear it.

“We got the perp who did this. He was an old con Robbie had put away years ago… one of his first cases as DI. He was released from prison recently and swore vengeance on the cops who put him away. Kershaw, Robbie’s first DS, was able to identify him after Gurdip dug through the old files to find some leads.”

“That’s a relief, I suppose. But just what was the guy learning in prison to have concocted that infected knife he used for stabbing Robbie with?”

“Believe it or not, that was pure mischance. He stole a knife from the closest butcher’s. And it was one that a careless assistant had left on the bench after using on a dodgy carcass instead of dropping it into the pail of disinfectant.”

“You mean this awful infection, sepsis really, that Robbie got from that shallow stab was pure accident?”

“Seems that way. I know that is cold comfort now. Did the doctor say any more?”

“Just that they have thrown everything they have at it from a treatment perspective. So it is now down to whether Robbie has the reserves to fight it long enough for some antibiotic to do the trick.”

“For what it is worth, the ME has contacted his doctor with the information about the knife. Perhaps that might help to figure out the right treatment. Has Hathaway been here yet? Or called you?” 

As he saw Laura shake her head, he knew there was something significant in that seemingly innocuous question and answer. But before he could ponder it further, he felt a draught (how could he feel that in this altered state, he wondered) as the door opened again to admit Tim carrying little Andy, and closely followed by a trio of medical staff who proceeded to chivvy the family out of the room. 

Despite promises that Laura and Lyn could return first thing in the morning, their reluctance to leave was palpable. And as Lyn held Andy and stooped to let the tyke kiss the unresponsive figure’s forehead, he could practically read her lips “You can’t do this, dad! You need to stay around - for us, and for Andy, if not for any other reason. We cannot do without you.” He reached out to her then, to hold her and convince her that he was going nowhere… but no action essayed by this altered version of himself could get through, and the figure on the bed remained unmoving.

As the medical staff bustled around adjusting monitors and adding new medication to the IV, the memories came rushing back to him. Was it 4 days ago now, or 5? Waiting in the beer garden at The Trout until last orders, hoping James would join him for a pint. Finally giving up and leaving as the pub closed, feeling not just disappointed but in some way defeated… and as though he had let the lad down without quite knowing how. The flash of moonlight on something silvery as he walked across the car park, then the sharp lancing pain in his side. The lifelong training that had him dialling 999 for help automatically. The ambulance, the call to Laura, then the scenes in A&E - signing a consent form for what had then seemed a minor operation to manage the stab wound; the comfortable haze of the recovery room; then the mounting fever and pain.The consultant’s measured tones, explaining that the stab wound, while minor in itself, had resulted in a major infection from whatever was on the knife. Followed by a state of semi-consciousness, or perhaps it was delirium, which obliterated everything for hours on end.

Further flashes of memory - Laura by his side every time he surfaced, however briefly; Lyn rushing in, along with Tim and Andy… setting up camp on his other side. Little Andy clutching his finger so very tightly, him wanting to hug the lad but not being able to. Mark on the phone, begging him to fight, to get better… and threatening to fly back just to fight with him all over again if he didn’t listen. Even Innocent, glaring at him fiercely with unshed tears in her eyes, promising to drag him to yet another civic reception unless he shaped up right now! And as though in a dream, Val wagging her finger at him admonishingly, and Morse - tut-tutting at him the way he had done when Lewis failed to appreciate one of his flights of fancy. Finally, a void, an absence that he could not explain… for in his brief intervals of lucidity, he did what he could to respond to his family gathered around - and kept looking past, seeking someone, he wasn’t sure who.

Robbie stayed where he was, continuing to watch the still figure in the bed, and wondered …. Who was the real him? The figure lying there, or this spirit or whatever that was hovering above and noting every little detail. And then he felt it - a tug at the edge of his awareness, like a silent voice telling him he needed to make a choice. A choice to stay or to go. If he stayed, there would be days of agony to be weathered, but the rewards were great - friends and family to love - Laura, Lyn, Andy, Mark, and the hope of James. If he went - maybe he would have Val again? And Morse? But even as he thought that, Robbie realised that he needed one final meeting, one final goodbye perhaps, before he could make that decision.

And so, he stilled that voice, or that tug, whatever it was. For as long as it could be stilled. And waited….